Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
