I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
