69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
