Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
