it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
