so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
