Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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