the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
