Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
