Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
