3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
