Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
