Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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