life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
