can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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