"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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