I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
