How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
