Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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