If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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