Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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