By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
