My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
