mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dignity is for republicans.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
