Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
either way he was missing a nipple.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
