I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
