Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
