Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
