I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
