How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
