Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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