I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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