It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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