We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
