Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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