he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
