So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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