Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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