Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
