Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
