Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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