If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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