got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
