No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
