Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
