I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
