just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
