yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
