This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
