Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
