WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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